Saturday, August 20, 2005

Things you shouldn't do in a bar

I was in the lovely Bar Pilar the other night, and saw, as it was so eloquently coined in the movie Pulp Fiction, a seriously fucked up poobah. She was small, but you'd never know it from the sheer volume of the crap coming out of her mouth. CRIMINY!

So, with that set-up in mind, here's my list of things you shouldn't do in a bar:

1) Approach a group of 3 very drunk gentlemen who you don't know, and engage in suggestive behavior equally passionately with each one of them. This behaviour might prove confusing to all involved.

2) Whisper in any one ear of said gentelmen. However, by looking at the face of the person being whispered to, it was quite apparent to this observer that it might just be better for all of us that the discussion occured in hushed tones.

3) Put both of your hands on any and all of the aforementioned 3 gentlemen, while resting your head on that person's shoulder as you laugh at his jokes.

4) Demonstrate the size of your mouth by tilting your head back and inserting the bottom of a pint glass into it. No shit.

5) Asking 3 random strangers to spank you in a public place. Again, no shit.

I could go on and on, but I'm guessing you get the picture... So I guess you're wondering what became of this foursome, eh? Well, one of the gents had the audacity to put his hands on the girl's waist, to which she shoved him away, shouted something in his face, and left the bar. Show's over, fellas! yikes...

3 comments:

AJ said...

This post is a real service to most of us married 30-something folks. I often get nostalgic for the bar scene. Reading this sure soothed that pain. Just in time too, because I was just wondering if I could fit my travel coffee mug in my mouth.

monica said...

Ok, so Sarah the Penguin is a DJ at a radio station, but she also gets to hear from the crazies out there: this is pretty darned funny.

Thank you, "Next Blog" button!

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