Friday, June 16, 2006

Scenester crap that I hate

So, the other day the fella and I went over to Polly's, one of our very favorite little spots to grab a bite, a drinkie, and a giggle with Cici, pub owner and friend extraordinaire, and we noticed something odd.

Exorbitant numbers of scenester-type people drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon in a can.

Did you hear me?
PABST. BLUE RIBBON.

IN.
A.
CAN.

Dudes, I don't get it. That beer sucks - who friggin' cares if it's $1 - what in the name of all that is holy is the appeal, I ask you????? As Andy said to me as we sat there drinking our "big kid" drinks, "why is PBR in a can like sex in a canoe?" I said, "dunno". He said, "Cause both are f*cking close to water." Beautiful.

I remember, when I was 10, taking a sip of my dad's beer in a can thinking it was ginger ale and practically hurling for the rest of the day from that watery, metallic flavor.

Please, if you know wtf is up with that, would you tell me??? My guess is that it has something to do with being cool by slumming it. WhatEVER is all I have to say about THAT. I refuse to think that one looks cool simply because they choke down a low-rent beverage that I wouldn't give to a dog for fun. (disclaimer - hate them though I do, I would never intoxicate a dog; it would give them the perfect cover for the poo eating...)

OH, and another thing that irritates the living sheeite out of me is the whole geek chic thing (seems to go hand in hand with the PBR consumption, btw...). I get it, you're nerdy AND sexy. Right on, Screetch - rock that look. But your rainbow knee socks with denim wrap-around skirt and old-school addidas are definitely not sexy. I don't care if you are wearing some cool tiger-striped, off-the-shoulder shirt. You still look like an idiot. And boys - PLEASE turn your collar down and step slowly away from the aviator glasses. I didn't like the way you looked in 1984, and I really don't like it now that I know better. Oh, and btw, we who were alive at that time did NOT wear cargo pants, flip flops or backward baseball caps with that outfit, k?

If you're going to snag a look from the 80s, why not go for the punk side of the new wave look - maybe a little Duckie from Pretty In Pink, or any of the 'wavers from the club scenes of any John Hughes movies. That is definitely more my speed (baggy pants with creepers, suspenders and a vest; fedora or beret all tilted back on your noggin...yummy) - although I did see an old Sisters of Mercy video and practically did a spittake when I saw how gigantic Andrew Eldritch's sunglasses were (all the better to see your freakishly teased out hair, my dear...)

The point is, I get that it's trendy. I get that Mary Kate is doing it or whatever. I get that you think it's campy - and truth be told, I could care less what you wear. I'm just saying that maybe you should drink good beer while you're doing it. Now that they're about to ban smoking in DC, you should definitely be able to afford it.

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