Wednesday, February 15, 2006

valentine's day = stupid

There. I said it. And not even on the actual day, either.

Oh, and guess what? It's not cause I'm bitter, or cause I don't have a good relationship, or cause I have an issue with Hallmark, or cause I have some insane desire to be out with all of the other dingdong lemmings trying to eat / pay for some overpriced dinner so that maybe, perhaps, if they're not too drunk, will actually get laid *once* this year.

No no, says I. I just think that, simply, Valentine's Day = stupid. I've felt that way since Christmas, when the first piece of Valentine's Day candy beat it's little, red, chocolate heart onto the shelf at my local CVS pharmacy.

To speak to my first point, I have lots of other reasons to be bitter without Valentine's Day, thank you very much. 4 words for you: "Skating With the Stars". See what I'm saying?? And on the relationship front? I've been in a relationship with my best pal of life for 12 years, and I can assure you, we will not, EVER, pay inflated prices for dinner out unless we're caught unaware on Bastille Day or Tet or something of that nature. Does that make us better than you? Only when you're not around, my friend, make no mistake.

[AUTHOR'S NOTE: If you are my friend and/or acquaintance and accidentally fall into the aforementioned "lemming" category, please note that in my mind I am only picturing those people I hate when I speak with such bitterness, not you lovelies - so no nastygrams, k?]

Matter of fact, the only gift I've ever given on Valentine's Day that was not inserted into a brown paper bag in elementary school was this one, given to Andy last year. And that thingy arrived a week late, for god's sake!! Anyway, how can you not love a precious little Shit Bitch bear, I ask you?

And before you go and defend the nice flowers that your boyfriend sent, or whatFUCKINGever thing you picked up last minute on your way home from work last night, please note that I rail against all holidays except birthdays. YES, all of them, including Christmas. So kindly don't give me crap. Unless it's in a heart-shaped box, of course...

Saturday, February 04, 2006

See, I told you that I have blonde hair!